The Need To Be Damaged

There's something about feeling awful about myself
that makes me want to feel worse about myself.

Because I can't just make a mistake,
or embarrass myself,
or unknowingly slight
or something
I have to be the worst person
I have to be irredeemable.
I have to be utterly worthless
in order for any misstep
to make sense.

I can't just be flawed.
Because that'd be forgivable.

I need
to be damaged.